hey all!

we have a new computer and i am trying to figure out how to post from it!@ yippee!!

lost phone

o! forgot to mention! i lost my phone a week ago...
i will get a new one soon but haven't been able to get any messages or calls or voxes...
will catch up when we get a phone!

litlte baby

i found out thursday that i am no longer pregnant...
they did a routine ultasound
she dated the uterus sac...and said it looked as if i lost the baby up to 2 weeks ago...
little poppet....this little child was so real to us... i had put off going to the midwife but i still felt so ready for this little person...and excited. it was hard to realize it just wasn't going to happen.
beautifully, josh walked in just as i heard the news and held my hand...
and we have just been so touched by friends and family stopping by ...thank you.
i feel like we are walking through something that so many people walk through...and many do it silently (not telling they are pregnant until 12 weeks and miscarrying before then) and silently grieve the loss. and i know we are all different, but for me, i am glad that my friends and family knew... bc you are such a comfort to us now.

we are truly doing so well... and deeply appreciating jack and esme and titus... and eachother...
and will meet this little tike one day we believe.

in all things, to God be the Glory.

Rock climbing at fdr

pregnant

with this 4th baby in my tummy...and so emotional when i think of it.
i loved the others when they were in my tummy but it was a very sweet sentimental feeling...maybe even more a joy of being pregnant than a fierce love for the child already...
but i almost can't think of this little munchkin bc i love it so much already i want to hold it dearly.
and that is everything to do with how much i love jack and esme and titus...
the more i know them, the more i see what absolute miracles they are and how they make josh and my life so wonderfully rich and full....

on another note i am eating us out of house and home...i am afraid i have visited the grocery store this month quite a few times.... so ravenous for protein protein and protein.  and bc esme hasn't been well so i have just wanted to get her whatever she would eat.  i feel rounded and happy =)

i haven't been to the doctor yet...i am almost 10 weeks and will go soon....my first appointment is near the end of this month and i will weep when i hear the heartbeat. =)

i haven't been taking a lot of pictures, i have been eating, reading to the kids, playing in the woods with them, shuttling them to school and music, ...and now to bed.

i am grateful and amazed at how life continues to unfold in such cool ways

Haha! Lovely of both of us!!

Kids playing in pram for new baby

Buddies

Riding to school

3 kids Stella the dog and yellow the kitty in esmes arms :)

little man

this hat.

is SO old.

kim and i hiked the annapurna range next to the himalayas 17 years ago, josh and i hiked all over montana with jack in my tummy in this hat, i have planted gardens after garden when i was only me living in a barn and then with one, then two, then 3 children assisting me =)

i just can't bear to get rid of it!

the kids all wear it from time to time so i suppose it will stay and soon be plonked on number 4's head!

this and that from this past week

the boys doing their school work in the afternoon...titus takes it very seriously (for a little while)

we dug up our sweet potatoes...they are ok but not great....we should have so many more if our soil were better ammended this year....but still i love them! and it is awesome to have them in the mix of food on our table!

esme climbing a tree in a little dress i found for an adult and then had miss carol down the road alter for her....she is my little sparrow

the last of the huge piles...josh and jack burned this labor day morning....it was spectacular and now completely flat out there...amazing.

foods from this week

natalya's pesto, with kombucha, kristin's mozzerella and fresh bagels

 oatmeal with jenny's blueberries, jenny and chris' pecans and natalya's figs (with some cacao nibs from freezer) and jim's honey!

okra from mr earl via daniel, mixed with our onions, peppers, natalya's hot sauce

left over cornbread turned into hush puppies with some onion and egg

 custard pie!!!! we are reading little britches by ralph moody for our kids literature club...and they talk a lot about eating custard pie...we just had to try it! delicious! and our chickens are laying eggs like crazy so what a perfect place to use them!

Geocaching

who knew this was such fun!!!

our friends the rozells asked us to come to pine mt and geo cache with them....

bascially you download an app onto your phone and it tells you the caches located near you....and as you get closer the feet (or miles away) diminishes and if you get further away it increases!

we found 2 at the state park (of hundreds) little capsules with a treasure in them...we left a treasure of our own and signed the log book after we raided...

it was SUCH fun!!!

we also acquired a healthy amount of ticks!!!!!!

esme and gaitz had so many all over them....eventually we took off esme's dress bc it looked like it was moving and she put on josh's shirt =)

good thing josh is so hot ;)

the best part might have been when he squeezed into my shirt when we got back to the truck =)

we loved it and will surely be doing it again soon!