still here!

wow, what a first month it has been! (almost a month)
little gillian cried a lot the first couple weeks....which i thought was gassiness as my first 2 had the same troubles... when i went for her 2 week checkup, i found out she had lost a lot of weight!!!!!
after meeting with a lactation specialist who was just wonderful... we deduced that bc of her being early and tired and also being tongue tied, she just didn't have the energy nor the tongue strength to nurse properly...so she would get the first milk but not the good fatty milk. she WAS gassy but she was crying bc she was hungry!!!
so the next week and a half i have just been slightly obsessed with nursing/pumping/using formula every 2-3 hours to get some weight back on...
she will sleep and sleep bc she just doesn't have the energy to be awake! so i set alarms and we set to the process of keeping her awake to eat enough and then feeding her more with a bottle (which is easier for her)
she is still not back to her birth weight but we are working on it!

the kids just adore her...the newness hasn't worn off.... they vie to hold her and kiss on her and love on her...so so sweet...

josh is trying to fit his last bit of studying in before his paramedic test in the middle of feb... excited for this season to be finished! and so so proud of him for doing it and sticking through a crazy couple years of juggling so much!

ok...baby is awake so off to feed that sweet urchin!

the genius and kindness of tori rozell

tori stopped by and took these pics yesterday!!!

what a gift!!!!!!!

i love the ones of titus and gillian 

and seeing his sweet face gazing at her

thank u thank u tori!!!!!

Pretty much what both

Of us have done today! Adrenaline wearing off! Snoozing and snuggling...

Thank u for making this possible babe!!

Good morning world!

Gillian

born jan 1 at 1130 am 7lbs

what an amazing experience is birth.
so painful
parts of it feel so wrong, that a body shouldn't be asked to move a person out of itself into the world
there is a point where it seems it just won't work and a slight desperation sets in...
and then something happens...fight or flight maybe?
and you fight...
you push and forget all the thoughts of impossibilities and throw something to the wind...
bc there isn't a choice
bc there is nothing to do but fight...
and bc you already love this child.

and then it is done!
all of a sudden you are holding your child...and she is crying and looking around and moving her arms and legs with freedom for the first time...breathing!
elation and relief and joy and tears...


little gilly (jilly) came into this world like a rocket...i heard the midwife say she was stuck behind a pubic bone and i would have to push hard...
josh and she both lunged and caught her in the air!
she has dark hair!
all the other 3 were bald and blond
she is named after my mum, Gillian Esme
and my best friend MaryBeth (Elizabeth)
2 women who have been and are as close to me as 2 people can be...
i am humbled that i have been blessed with handful of women who are like my family and whom i love and respect with all my heart...

and right now she is snoozing on the couch behind me...
josh has been mom and dad all week and it has been WONDERFUL...i love that man.

sarabeth!!! and julie!!!

sarabeth came over at midnight and drove me to the hospital and wouldn't leave me until josh arrived 8 hours later (he had a LONG drive through the night)
i could cry a river of thanks everytime i think about it...
i couldn't ask for sweeter and more dear friends...

hanging out in the room with julie my friend and midwife...just waiting waiting for contractions to start...they didn't on their own...thankfully bc it gave josh time to arrive! as soon as he did we started pitosin and out she came 3 hours later@!

baby gillian’s first 5 days!

this sweet little girl still thinks she is in the womb…

sleeps all day and wakes up to eat…

and then has a bit of a rough night bc this is usually when she is playing!!!



she has taken all our hearts with such ease….

the kids just adore her and can’t stand to go to school and leave her

titus is so gentle with her

and josh and i just keep kissing her soft cheeks…

what a blessing and a gift all 4 of these sweet children are to us!

 

esme and gillian

esme has just blossomed....
it is hard to hold gillian with esme around she just loves her so much
and i feel like they are bonding even now...
 

 

my friends kim and david are here from overseas and came to spend a couple days...so good to see them!
 

titus snuggling with the little critter!
 

 

i think many of the gillian photos will be gillian/esme photos....

as these girls are already quite inseparable ....love it so much
this is a dream come true for esme!
it doesn't matter if she is asleep or awake or crying...esme loves her just the same 

 

the day we brought gillian home, jack went out and cut a little sapling and sat by the fire and carved this little heart on a stick as a gift for gillian...
isn't it beautiful!!!!
 

 

dear friends...

julie and justin came to the house to stay with the kids both while titus was born and while gillian was born!!!
she is one of the dearest people we know ...
and is due with her baby boaz in 2 weeks!!!!!
 

my dad came down to bring gillian a lovely little singing monkey which has been confiscated by titus...who LOVES it.
 

 

 

the siblings meeting the newest member for the first time!!!!
i think so often how these 4 will have each other long after josh and i are gone...
that their relationship will be different from ours to each of them but just as strong and i pray always close.
they will share life together these 4....
that gives me such hope and joy for each of them...
what a force to reckon with!
 

 

 

titus quickly moved for meeting the baby to eating some peanut butter he found...
 

welcome grammy!
grammy came and made the most wonderful chicken soup that esme has scarfed down =)