josh and i have gone over and over what to do about birth control....whether we want more urchins or whether we should stop with our 2 darlings...it is just so hard. and then when the decision to go on birth control was made, it was SOO hard for me to decide on what type. all with the possibility of aborting the fertilized egg...no matter how small the chance, well, i just couldn't do this with a full heart....and i am just not good at "almost" anything...it felt wrong for us to do this....and in saying this, i am not making a judgement for anyone else...this is just important to me...one day, i will stand before my Maker, and i don't want to know that there was a child that i didn't birth and love...
all this being said, i decided on the paraguard, a copper IUD that still allows a woman's cycle to be normal...which means we can take other precautions during ovulation (is this way too graphic??) so i can be pretty sure to not conceive.
and the double "protection" (i have always wondered why it is called protection...as if a child is a thing we need protection from!) is not bc we would be upset to get pregnant...what a joy! but bc of the not wanting to conceive and slough off....
o wow, that is way a lot of information....sorry about that...=)
i also like the paraguard though bc it is only copper...making the environment not too fun for the spermies...instead of any sort of hormone...and i like having my period as opposed to getting rid of it as soon methods do....
this is probably a story for another day, but i feel like "pms" gets such a bad rap...
somehow, i feel like that time is used in my life to help me deal with the emotions which shuffle under the surface and get so often downtrodden by choice or busy-ness....they just well up and get dealt with in a very "emotional" sort of way....it's a healing time for me....and why are we always so ready to de-emotionalize ourselves...it is what makes a woman a woman in many ways...our tendency towards emotion as well as reason...which is often a convergence anyway.
all i know, is that Christ is ever more real to me when i am suffering....and this even in the smallest of pms sorts of ways...so i don't run from that time and embrace it as best i can. =)
sooooo, i dropped off jack to play with mabry and evy while i went to the midwife...
and it is sooooo neat to watch jack and mabry play....they are truly buddies, pretending together...so neat. mabry is a doll....she poured enough sand on her head to become a temporary blonde =)
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