Placenta not the Culprit

this morning, the kids and i met marie at chick-fil-a (or kick-fil-a according to jack)...she is always so good and calming for me. marie came with me to my first midwife appointment to help with the kids during the ultrasound. here, they told me there was placenta in the uterus and it would need to be scraped out (d and c). they called later today after a doctor looked at the scan and asked me to return to talk more. at this appointment, the doctor said the entire uterus is uniformly super thick which is most likely due to wacky, post partem hormones. so, they will do the d and c this friday.

i stopped by marybeth's house en route home and got to see my friend rachel and her adorable mubchkin meg too! i love that mb lives so close now! josh and jack met esme and i at 5 day star this evening...a nice dinner after a crazy day....

i love my little family =)

More Fertilizer to Come!

well, it seems i did not in fact plant all of esme's placenta bc there is still some inside of me! i went to the midwife today for an ultrasound bc of this pesky bleeding which i have attributed to "overdoing it"...and they found material in the placenta. i have a d and c or are they saying dnc scheduled for tomorrow. toni, the midwife who delivered jack gave me a worse case scenario which includes affects on future pregnancies...but this is worst case...really it should all be fine...they'll know more once they get in there.
bottom line is i am so relieved that this was the news...when i saw her face before she told me i knew something was coming that wasn't great....in the spectrum, this IS great.
more soon!

Cards for Miss Bell

to ms teresa, pat and trish....thank you thank you thank you for sending cards to miss bell...i wish you could hear how delightedly she tells me all about them....this one is hand made...this one has irises which are just like hers in her garden...this one just made her day...all of them give her cause to be excited to peek inside her mailbox. she says she anticipates everyday there might be another card!
here are things she likes in case someone reading might like to send a magazine article or something like that.....
anything to do with plants and gardening, Christmas decorations, cats, health related issues, outrageous news (not like super star gossip....like floods or past presidents doing something), lyndon johnson, the red cross or foods that make sense to eat more of.
she has really gone downhill in the past months...it is hard for her to walk...even to the mailbox...i know she appreciates more than you know the little thoughts and prayers sent her way...so thank you so much.

Pride and Joy

we took the walls off of the back of josh's new truck this evening...he is going to rebuild them higher to hold wood chips and logs. it was such a nice evening that we all piled in and took a drive on the dirt roads near our house. we forded the stream and took a left (for those of you who are familiar) through some woods and out in between acres of wheat fields...jack laid down with harry on the way home...and the bumping sent esme right to sleep in my pack. it was a fun family outing.

Carrots

josh: hey, what do you need from the store?
clare: umm, eggs, butter and a big bag of carrots.
josh: ok =)

Nap Time

usually when the kids nap, like most moms, i zip zip to do a load of laundry or 2, think of something for dinner...sweep up jack's lunch off the floor...maybe have time to head outside and weed or plant or water something, tidy this or that and then greet them when they wake up ...and think to myself that i'd love to be laying down!
but i am really trying to slow down a bit.
i know that i am made to "do"...to create and entertain and explore...but i also know that these things for me can get overwhelming...kind of like the sweet whipoorwill getting annoying when it doesn't know when to quit =)
every now and then it is good for me to just be...and to reflect...instead of rushing here and there like i tend towards.
so, today i tried to take a nap when the kids did....
and even though i couldn't fall asleep it was so wonderful.
i snuggled in next to jack...holding him close while he slept and watched the trees out our back window...swaying in the wind. when esme woke, i fed and cuddled her and just watched her hold her "bottle" in her little hands and suckle away so happily...she dosed off and i just held her a while. i went back and tucked myself in with jack again...and prayed and thought ...
what a gift...
they are both still asleep...going on 3 hours!!! i find i start to miss them when they sleep so long...but what a treat to have this quiet time.
i have started reading Omnivore's Dilemma a natural history of four meals...interesting so far. i think i'll cut my hair today....trim it anyway...
but for now, i am going to go snuggle my boy again.

Walking with Uncle Matt

the morning after the bonfire, we took a walk in the woods...my brother matt has always seemed most himself when in the woods or by water fishing =)
jack was proud to show his uncle wild ginger and i was impressed he could remember what it looks like! it made me think i need to brush up on wild plants so i can teach jack...he seems to want to know their names. it was so good to spend time with my brother

shots!

esme had her first round of vaccinations today.
jack never seemed to mind very much...after the initial stick but little esme is just more tender i think. her legs seem to be aching bless her. so, the 2 comforts today for her have been jack's potty and the trampolene...why you ask? well, the potty is outside under the house (you can tell how well we are doing at potty training!!!) and i am guessing bc of the rain, it keeps playing this triumphant tune which is supposed to say "yea!! you peed in the right place!" but it is just randomly playing it! makes me smile everytime and keeps me bouncing esme on the trampolene...it seems to be the 1 thing that will calm her down.
when she did go to sleep, i put harry in the cob shed with a chicken burrito =) and let the chickens out for the first time!!! jack crawled out the door to show them the way to freedom and they finally all followed. it is a sweet thing to watch something find freedom for the first time. they are so curious!
tom, josh's dad, came down yesterday and jack and harry both loved giving him kisses in his lap. tom slept in the cob and said he did quite well until about 5:30 am when the rain started.
both kids are asleep now....
i love them so much...i am so so blessed.
o! jack has been helping josh with his new truck.
josh went to work on it yesterday and found jack had stuck every "tool" including a pen in any hole he could find...so funny.
jack was very seriously riding his car through the house...when i turned around and saw he had put on his dad's ear muffs and safety glasses...i told him to hold on so i could take his photo and he very seriously posed for me...not a laughing matter!

Seed Swap

there is a movement towards growing ones own food as well as growing heirloom varieties. the idea behind the heiroom being that you can 1. save seeds from year to year (most commercially produced seeds are rendered sterile so the seeds won't sprout) 2. preserve the older varieties of plants which have been whittled down due to gross production of a few hybrids ..for example, we have 12 different types of tomatoes growing right now and i was given 3 more from this seed swap that i have never even heard of!! 3. be more in control of what we eat and to know where it comes from
the anthropology department at UGA has a large number of folks who rally around these ideas and organize these seed swaps...for 11 years now. they even have a list you can sign up for where they will send you seeds, you grow them out...save 1/3 of the seeds for yourself, give 1/3 to friends and send back to the "bank" the last 1/3. the list is extensive including flowers and fruits as well as veggies.
really nice people....and the bluegrass band was super!

The Bonfire!

Well, when the sky turned dark and it started to pour with rain, we had our doubts that folks would show up for the bonfire....but somehow, it just made the garden lush and green and cooled the air perfectly so that a fire was welcome...and passed fast enough that most were on their way already! esme had about an hour or so of tummy pain...so i sorta passed people with a quick "hello" and took her for a drive... but you know, it is actually kinda neat to watch something happen and to realize you don't have to be there orchestrating everything. i am usually like a crazy chicken...making sure everyone has something to drink etc...but you know, they did just fine without me =)
the food was marvelous...ingie brought a tirimusu which was AMAZING...pat brought brownies and marie brought cupcake chocolate treats...there was enough chocolate to give us all quite a long sugar high =)
and most wonderfully, $2191.00 was raised to help monica... i am so grateful for such generous friends...please know that this will go to help out a lovely soul and a very deserving person.

The Phoenix-ed Cabinet and My Roses

i lost the "before" photo of this cabinet...it was a brown and black cabinet that my dear friend cindy had in her garage. we had john deere green paint left from the gate, so i sprayed it green and kassie painted on it....isn't it just wonderful! i thought it would be great for the kids' playroom.
we just put up the arbor for the roses in march and it is as if now the rose has a hand to hold, it is stable and growing so fast!
today was a mostly quiet day...little esme's tummy hurt..so i walked and bounced her most of the day...her sweet little bottom lip sticks out just before she cries and she looks at me as if to say "make it stop mommy" ooo, it just breaks my heart...both she and jack have a hard time with my milk...jack much more so than esme....i don't wish a moment away of this infant stage but i will be glad when she doesn't struggle so much with gas and the likes...
sooooo, tomorrow is the big day! the bonfire! there is an heirloom seed swap in crawford earlier in the day too....ahhh, i love the weekends.
josh got a massage today for his back after seeing the chiropractor again...he says he feels unbelievably better....thank you Lord!

Dinner around the Fire

as i type, dinner is being finished around the fire. it is dark and the whipoorwills are considering beginning their chorus but not quite ready yet. the kids are both sleeping well...jack and i just sang his version of kumbaya and then he rolled over, fingers in mouth, and drifted off. esme is cooing like a chicken right beside me...contentedly sleeping. josh said today for him was a "wendell berry" day...peaceful and just right. (which is amazing bc he hurt his back a couple days ago and saw the chiropractor this morning to reveal some twisted vertebra!) maybe he meant the weather...
hmm..
ANYWAY...i am tired but feeling so full and blessed. until tomorrow. night night

Esme's Placenta Pop!

this evening we planted esme's pink dogwood tree. jack remembered the process from yesterday's planting so he set straight in digging the hole and waited for the placenta to be placed before shoveling atop it. our only hope is that as they thaw that the dogs don't start a diggin' that would be a gross "gift" to find at our front door.